Iiii’mmmm siiiiiiicccckkkkk (Full House? Anyone?)

True though. I think it was food poisoning, but I guess I’ll never know for sure.

I’ve slept more than I ever thought possible in the last 46 hours. And I ate for the first time in 43 hours today (this sucks, because I LOVE food, and eating, and..yeah).

My stomach has finally stopped being queasy, and I can actually think of eating again without feeling ill. Awesome.

Only I’m too weak to actually stand for more than five minutes at a time and my head is still all fuzzy and waaahhhhhh!

Apologies if this post is incoherent. I’m just cool like that today.

I’m currently unemployed. This is no secret. What is a secret is how to fix that. I wouldn’t have said so six months ago, but I’m beginning to feel like I’m just doing it wrong.

I’m still probably being pickier than I can afford to be at this point, but I don’t want to sell out, myself or my ideals. I already know that I won’t really be able to live with myself if I’m doing corporate law, or insurance defense. Even personal injury law (which ties in directly to insurance defense) feels a little too smarmy to me. That being said, I’m actually pretty good at that kind of law. Mechanically, I know what to do and how to do it in order to get results. But just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. At this point though, I’m wondering if I’m being too picky by limiting myself that way. Ideals vs. Practicality. Hm.

What’s even worse is the fact that I may not want to be an attorney at all. Shocking, right? I mean, who goes to law school for three years, accumulates some amount of debt (it’s not that bad really. I had a full-ride for undergrad and various scholarships in law school offset the cost of tuition and books some), spends hours studying for finals and for the bar exam, and then decides that she maybe doesn’t want to be a lawyer after all? Oh and has two thumbs? THIS GUY.

Of course I want to use my education to the best of what it’s worth. I could work as an attorney or advocate at a safe house or a nonprofit working with children, or a number of other jobs that aren’t the cookie cutter law firm associate->senior associate->junior partner->senior partner model. I would be happy doing work that didn’t involve billable hours and 80 hour weeks and still technically be an attorney and be getting paid to do what I studied in school. But I would be equally happy in an administrative position or a leadership position that didn’t technically need an attorney, but for which my education would definitely help. On the other hand, I’ve got years (plus a lifetime) of experience working with children and adults with autism and other developmental conditions. It comes naturally to me, and my heart breaks every time the system screws over those who can’t speak for themselves, particularly if they’re kids, but it happens a lot more to adults. I would give anything to be in a position of power to make sure that this kind of thing didn’t happen. Ah, but politics and bureaucracy? No thanks.

I realize that posting all this is a bit risky while I’m looking for a job, and at this point would take just about anything offered to me (within reason), but I don’t believe that selling out will accomplish much in the long term. I went to law school to help people, and I fully intend to make that happen ultimately. Whether that’s as an attorney or as something else equally fulfilling, I don’t know yet.

Bottom line: I need a job. I very desperately need the money and I need to move out of my parents’ house already. Financial independence is a must at this point. I know that I can eventually get a fairly high paying job as a regular ol’ civil attorney, just based on my education, skills, and the giant certificate (which I haven’t framed yet) that says I’m a real-life, honest to goodness lawyer. I also know that I would be much happier doing fulfilling work that I know would help people directly and affect their lives for the better. So I’m all kinds of conflicted about this job search. I can’t ignore that nagging voice in my head telling me not to apply for jobs I know I won’t like, but I also can’t ignore my present financial concerns and my need to be an adult and financially independent.

Blargh.

Eff this noise. I’m gonna become a teacher. It’s what I always wanted to do anyways.

The new apartment furnishing/decorating itch.

I went to Target today to get some “essentials” (crystal dress hangers, febreeze, patterned tights..ya know), and I found myself wandering through the home section, which is by far my favorite. I love concocting new ideas for color patterns and home decor. Thinking about putting together desks and bookshelves and end tables gets me positively randy.

This is all pretty strange, because I don’t have a new apartment. I still live at home with limited space and options for decorative freedom. I was also painfully reminded that my beloved furniture and other apartment stuff is crammed into a storage unit, lonely and sad. <sob>

So I diverted my weird nesting urges into some purchases at Victoria’s Secret. That should have been enough, but I was too close to Bed Bath and Beyond to NOT go in. I cautiously ventured into that homeware haven and immediately knew I’d made a mistake. Cause now that itch had to be scratched. But, like a retail case of chicken pox, scratch I did not, and got myself out of that time suck almost as soon as I stepped in. Close call, financial crisis averted.

But I still gots that itch. This could be trouble.

I’d usually just share this on the good ol’ Google Reader, but this was too good not to share here too. Enjoy:

More often than not…

Happy belated birthday to the United States Marine Corps!

Cough.

I’m gonna go off a wee bit…okay?

Cool!

I have had enough of conservative pundits and politicians sporting American Flag jewelry and spewing ig’nant as hell rhetoric about [insert “other” determined to rile up the base].

Enough!

I am the grand daughter, daughter, niece and cousin of veterans. My grandfather, bless his soul, served during World War II…standing up to protect this nation even though this nation wouldn’t stand up to protect him when he had the audacity to travel while black and in uniform through the segregated south.

From the very beginning…the damned Revolutionary War, for Christ’s sake…people of color, immigrants and non-citizens, women and gays and lesbians and so forth have fought on behalf of the United States of America. Shit, there wouldn’t be a United States of America is it weren’t for the assistance of France…and French soldiers and military know how.

And to this day there are non-citizen soldiers who serve honorably…soldiers who are immigrants who deserve our respect not our skepticism and hatred.

Latinos, both citizens and non-citizens, serve and have served.

Black people serve and have served.

Native Americans serve and have served.

Women serve and have served (a tip of the Afro to my cousin…go on, girl!)

Gays, lesbians, bi-sexuals and transgender people serve and have served.

Muslims…Pagans…Jews…Atheists…serve and have served.

So let me tell it plain so fools can’t say they weren’t evah told.

Lou Dobbs - you cannot honor the American Veteran and preach hatred and fear of immigrants.

They are often one and the same.

Rush Limbaugh – you cannot honor the American Veteran and preach hatred and fear of people of color in general and black men in particular.

They sure as shit are often one and the same.

Glenn Beck, Michelle Malkin, Ann Coulter, the Cheney Women, the staff of FOX television/radio and the rest of you assholes who know who you are – you cannot and you DO NOT honor the American Veteran or soldiers when you campaign against LGBT people, mock the contributions of women, question the equality of and work to erode the rights of women, question the equality of work to erode the rights of LGBT citizens and generally, but with freakish dedication, contribute to a climate of hate and fear toward Muslims.

They are, more often than you allow your tiny little brains to think, one and the same.

Because this is America, the “other” you hate has, is and will continue to fight for the right of all Americans to say and do what those who spew hate sadly say and do.

But if you want to get your hate on you really ought to take those fucking flag pins off and pull the bullshit video segment celebrating America’s heroes off the air.

Because when you hate on the “other”…

…you are, more often than you think, hating on America’s heroes.

No if, ands or buts about it.

Happy Veterans Day and special cyber hugs to all members of the flock of bitchitude stationed at Ft. Hood …blessed be.

Via. (ABB is one of my favorite bloggers. Ever.)